Mastering Emotional Investments: Navigating Attachment Styles and Personal Growth

Welcome back, lovelies. Today, we explore the complexities of attachment styles, and how our individual attachment styles tie into how much energy we are willing to pour into people, places or things. From the time and effort you put into work, hobbies, and education to relationships, every aspect of our lives requires an exchange of energy. The energy you put into your career yields tangible rewards, like a recognition or paycheck. Hobbies give you entertainment and happiness. Similarly, the time and energy put into relationships provides you with connection. 

Overextending ourselves in the workplace without receiving due recognition or compensation can lead to burnout, draining our energy and enthusiasm. Similarly, hobbies, once a source of joy and relaxation, can become burdensome when they no longer align with our interests, turning into unnecessary drains on our time and finances. Perhaps most significantly, relationships that fail to reciprocate our emotional input can leave us feeling undervalued and unfulfilled. When this balance is disrupted, and our emotional investments remain unreciprocated, it can leave us feeling undervalued and unfulfilled.It’s an uncomfortable realization that not everything or everyone is worth the efforts we pour into it. While challenging, discerning where and how our emotional efforts are valued and reciprocated is a crucial step towards leveling up our own lives.

Energy Exchanges: Prioritizing Reward Over Hurt

Understanding Emotional Investment in Relationships: 

Sometimes, we find ourselves wholly invested in relationships that fail to requite our energy and love that we feed into it. We end up chasing people, romantic or monogamous, who ultimately do not wish to be active participants in the relationship we are attempting to cultivate. As painful as it may be, realizing when we need to give up the chase and move on with our lives is a pivotal part of our personal growth. So why are so many of us keen to chase people or things with no intention of being caught? Why does it seem like we are continuing to beg for the attention of those who refuse to recompense our efforts? 

Attachment Styles and Emotional Investment: 

The pursuit of people or things inconsistent in emotional returns can be linked to our attachment styles. Attachment styles are bonding patterns developed in early childhood, and these attachment styles directly affect how we bond with others. There are four attachment styles, anxious, disorganized. avoidant, and secure.

Anxious, Disorganized. Avoidant, and Secure Attachment Styles

• Anxious or preoccupied attachment refers to individuals who crave intimacy and can be overly dependent and demanding in relationships. This attachment style is rooted in abandonment and care inconsistencies during the developmental years. Those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may repeatedly find themselves in cycles of unreciprocated emotional investments. 

• Disorganized or fearful attachment styles are characterized by a desire to have close intimate relationships, but fear vulnerability. This attachment style is typically caused when a caretaker promotes fear in response to a child’s distress. This fear could be caused by physical and or emotional abuse or neglect of the child. Adults with this attachment style often feel they are not worthy of love or closeness in relationships, because they were not shown love or closeness during the developmental years. 

• Avoidant or dismissive attachment styles refers to individuals who appear detached from the relationship. People with this attachment style typically have a strong sense of self-sufficiency, value their independence, and tend to seem uninterested in close intimate relationships. This attachment style is rooted in rejection or emotional unavailability from caretakers during the developmental years. In the absence of predictable caretaking, children learn to distance themselves emotionally to self-sooth, leading to adults who fear intimacy.  

• Secure attachment simply means a person is comfortable with intimacy and can balance both independence and dependence within a relationship. People with this attachment style type feel safe, stable, and secure in relationships. They are empathic and can set clear and appropriate boundaries. They do not fear being on their own, and typically thrive in deep and meaningful relationships. This is the attachment style we all hope for in relationships, and what we should all strive for in our own selves. The good news is, regardless of your current attachment style, it can change.  

The Importance of Self-Awareness in Personal Development: 

Understanding how our attachment styles influence our willingness to invest energy in various aspects of our lives is crucial for personal growth. These styles not only shape our interactions, but also dictate how much effort we are ready to put into work, relationships, and even our hobbies. Recognizing that not all investments yield the returns we desire is an essential aspect of personal development and mental health. This realization requires a deep understanding of the intricate interplay between our psychological makeup, the sociocultural influences around us, and the expectations imposed by society. By cultivating self-awareness, we empower ourselves to make informed decisions that are in harmony with our well-being and core values. This self-awareness acts as a compass, guiding us in determining when to persist and when to change direction in our pursuit of fulfillment and balance.

Invest Your Energy Where It's Fruitful

Choosing Where to Invest Our Emotional Energy: 

Navigating the emotional terrain of our existence calls for both discernment and understanding of our attachment styles. These patterns influence where and how we channel our emotional energies. With this awareness, we're poised to carefully evaluate the people and pursuits we devote our energies to, ensuring they align with our highest good.

Recognizing when to let go of certain aspects of our lives becomes as crucial as knowing what to nurture. Sometimes, the healthiest choice is to stop watering the plants that have long been lifeless, creating space for new growth. This isn't just about loss, it’s an essential step to allow other areas, which hold more potential for growth and fulfillment, to flourish.

A Final Note

Shifting our focus from the withered aspects to those brimming with life and possibility allows us to use our emotional energy where it's most effective. It means nurturing relationships, careers, and hobbies that resonate with our current selves, driven by a deeper understanding of our needs and attachment styles. This deliberate approach helps us foster a life that is not only emotionally rich, but also aligned with our personal evolution and satisfaction. Until Next Time, Jena Your certified holistic mental health and wellness advocate Sources: Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment theory. Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy, 169-177.

Guerrero, L. K. (2021). Attachment theory: A communication perspective. In Engaging theories in interpersonal communication (pp. 299-313). Routledge.